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Breakups are never easy. But they’re even harder when deep down you desperately want your ex back. Every day is a struggle, all you do is think about your ex. You wonder how they’re doing if they miss you and torture yourself wondering if they’ve met someone new.

You find yourself going over and over all the things you could have done differently, and wish you could turn back the clocks. Yep, breakups are tough!

And yes, some people say if your ex is the one then you wouldn’t have broken up in the first place or he wouldn’t have let you get away…

But the truth is, sometimes, it takes a breakup for a couple to get back together and become even stronger, and if it doesn’t work out the second time around then you know for sure that it wasn’t meant to be. 

But getting back together isn’t always easy. It can be a tricky process however, it’s worth noting that if you want to get back together with your ex, then the first thing you must do is have some much-needed time apart, and it’s what you do during this separation period that will determine whether or not, your ex will come back running.

Should you get your ex back?

Now it goes without saying that if you were in a toxic relationship and your ex was abusive in any way shape or form, then there is no getting back. Your focus should be on healing and moving on.

If however, it was a healthy relationship that broke down due to various reasons such as communication problems or differences in opinion and you’ve found yourself in a situation where you want him back, and believe it could work, then read on!

How to get your ex boyfriend back

1. Apply the no contact rule 

That’s right. In order to have any hope of getting back with your ex, as we mentioned earlier you’re both gonna need space and lots of it! And you’re going to have to be the one that ensures this actually happens. So if your ex gets in touch with you, make it clear that you need some time away, and that you’ll get back in contact once you’ve had the time you need.

The same goes for you. Avoid calling or texting (especially if you’re drunk….yeah, we’ve all been there and regretted it the next day!), and mute him on social media to prevent going down the ‘stalker’ rabbit hole.  Think of this time apart as a reset for both you and him.

For you, it should be a time to get your head together, rediscover who you are, and get back into a place of positivity and happiness.

Once you’re in the right headspace and have gained the clarity you need, then you can get back in touch with your ex. But you must give it at least 4 to 6 weeks at a minimum.

how to get your ex back
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2. Spend time with family and friends

This is the prime time to spend more time with your family and friends. Spending time with those you love will make you feel good and that’s exactly what you need right now to get your mind off your ex. Organise a movie night, go and watch a comedy show for some much-needed laughs or arrange a spa day with your besties. Whatever you choose to do, make sure you’re having lots of fun!

3. Avoid negative self-talk 

It can be pretty easy to blame ourselves after a breakup. We always think we did something wrong or irrationally believe that if we had acted differently or been a different type of person, we would still be in a relationship with our ex. But this is simply not true, and negative self-talk is unhealthy. This is not what you need right now. Any time you find yourself thinking negative thoughts, understand that these thoughts are false. If you find that your negative thoughts are starting to consume you, do something to change your focus. This could be anything from a walk in the park, to calling a friend for a chat.

4. Find a hobby

There’s nothing like a fun hobby to boost your spirits, and let’s face it, your spirit is gonna need a lot of boosting right now! Whether it’s photography, reading, painting….whatever your hobby is, do it and do it lots! Right now you need to feel excited about life again and a fun hobby will get you closer to your goal. 

5. Do physical activities

It’s said that exercise releases dopamine and serotonin. Serotonin is known to be an amazing mood booster, while dopamine produces a pleasurable high all of which improves your overall well-being. Moreover, regular exercise helps to manage stress. For me, I’ve personally found that exercise boosts my confidence which is why I’ve always turned to physical activities, especially running when I’m trying to get over a breakup.

how to get your ex back
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez on Unsplash

6. Go on dates 

No, we’re not saying you should jump into a relationship. But….you can definitely get back out there and enjoy dating. Dating is a stress-free, fun way to get your mind off your ex. It also doesn’t hurt to see what’s out there, just to be sure, you really do want to get back with your ex. 

7. Practice self-care

Now is the time to truly take care of yourself. Do things that make you happy, read books, pamper yourself, practice meditation, and get more sleep. Self-care is about prioritizing yourself and your needs, so take care of you!

8. Get therapy 

Our mantra is that it’s always good to talk. If you don’t already have a therapist, why not consider getting one. Often a therapist will provide a perspective you haven’t even considered. 

9. Be grateful  

Finally, be grateful for where you are in your life right now. Gratitude is so important because it increases our happiness. It makes us more positive and helps when we’re dealing with adverse situations. So appreciate all the good things you have and be grateful for the happy memories you have of your ex and the time you spent together.

how to get your ex back
Photo by RODNAE Productions from Pexels

What next? 

Now after following all the steps you’ll be in a position where you’re 100% in love with your life. You’re doing things you enjoy, spending time with those you love, and going on some wonderful dates.

So how do you feel?  Do you want to get back with your ex? 

If you’ve answered no, then that’s absolutely fine. The point of this journey is for you to have the space and time you need to focus on yourself and get clarity right? And if at this stage you want to keep moving forward then do just that…

If you answered yes, then it’s time to get back in touch with your ex again. 

Reach out and send him a message or give him a call.  Keep the conversation light and fun. Wait and see if he suggests meeting up otherwise you suggest going for a coffee or something to eat. 

When you meet up, again keep it light and just enjoy each other’s company. For now, work on rebuilding your friendship. As time passes, you’ll get a sense of whether or not your ex wants to get back together.

If he makes a move, then go for it, but take it slow. If he doesn’t, then communicate with him, let him know what you want and why you want it. If he’s on the same page, then great. 

If not, then no worries, because in your time apart, you created a full and happy life that you love. So you can move on with no hard feelings.

Should you get your ex back if he’s in a new relationship?

If your ex is in a new relationship, respect yourself and keep your relationship purely platonic. Don’t try to get him back. Let his relationship take its course. Be there for him if he needs to talk, but also get on with your life and be open to getting into a relationship yourself. If it’s meant to be with your ex then trust us, you will get back together. 

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