The career hustle is one that most of us want to win, so that we can be successful until the day we retire, but if for some reason, you DON’T want to make it in your chosen career, there are a few simple mistakes you absolutely should make, including the ones below…
1. Never Study or Learn Anything
Remember that age-old advice about studying hard and continuously learning to stay ahead of the curve? Pfft, throw it out the window. Why stress out and spend countless hours with your nose buried in textbooks or online courses?
Sure, those master of advanced nursing courses are great for those who want to be promoted, as are those accountancy degrees, but if your goal is to be the most stagnant individual in your industry, then this is your first step to non-stardom. Knowledge? Who needs it!
2. Procrastinate, and Then Procrastinate Some More
So you’ve got a deadline in two days? Perfect! This means you’ve got about 47 hours to binge-watch that new TV series, rearrange your sock drawer, and master the art of the 10-minute power nap. After all, last-minute panic-fueled work is sure to be your least impressive, which is exactly what you’re going for, right?
3. Always Say “That’s Not My Job”
Want to be noticed for all the wrong reasons? Whenever something slightly outside your job description comes up, make sure to loudly proclaim, “That’s not my job!” You’ll definitely get attention – probably not the good kind, but who’s aiming for promotions anyway?
4. Reject Feedback of Any Kind
Constructive criticism is for people who want to grow and improve. If you’re reading this guide, then you’re not one of them! If a manager or colleague tries to give you feedback, just cover your ears and hum loudly. It’s sure to leave a lasting impression.
5. Never Network
Ah, networking! It’s where opportunities, collaborations, and career advancement happens. But you, my friend, are on the path of career non-advancement. So, avoid industry events, conferences, or any gatherings where you might accidentally meet someone who can give your career a boost.
6. Make Sure Your Resume is a Hot Mess
If, by some miraculous accident, you find yourself job hunting, ensure that your resume is utterly chaotic. Use a rainbow of colors, multiple fonts, and definitely add that three-week lemonade stand gig from when you were 12. Bonus points if you misspell your own name.
7. Always, ALWAYS Pass the Buck
Responsibility is so overrated. Whenever a task or project lands on your plate, find someone else to pin it on, even if it’s your area of expertise. Never owning up to tasks is an ideal way to show you’re not leadership material.
8. Show Up Late and Leave Early
Punctuality? Consistency? Sounds like the talk of overachievers! Make a dramatic entrance to every meeting at least 10 minutes late, and always be the first to pack up and ghost when the clock strikes 4:45pm.
9. Have Zero Online Presence
In a world dominated by digital platforms and online branding, make sure you have… nothing. No LinkedIn profile, no industry-related tweets, nada. If someone tries to Google you, they should only find a 10-year-old photo from a pie-eating contest.
10. Always Go With the Flow
Being proactive and taking initiatives is so passé. Just kick back, relax, and wait for things to happen (or not happen) around you. Why be the captain of your ship when you can be the aimlessly floating piece of driftwood?
11. Reject All Forms of Adaptability
The industry’s evolving and everyone’s learning new skills to keep up? Meh. Stay rooted in your old ways. If rotary phones were good enough for the 80s, they’re good enough for you!
12. Aim for the Minimum
Last but not least, always aim to do the bare minimum. If the job can be done with a 40% effort, why stretch to 100%? Keep those standards low and those ambitions lower.
13. The Constant Complainer
No one likes a bright, sunny day, right? Make sure every conversation you have is peppered with complaints. From the air conditioning in the office to the brand of coffee in the breakroom – find fault in everything.
14. Reject Technology
Emails? Spreadsheets? Video calls? Psh, overrated! Stick to good old smoke signals and carrier pigeons to communicate. Remember, if it’s newer than the typewriter, it’s not worth your time.
15. Office Decor? Go Full Tacky
If your workspace doesn’t scream ‘chaos,’ you’re doing it wrong. Deck your desk with clashing colors, leftover takeout, and maybe a half-eaten doughnut from three months ago. First impressions matter, and yours should be memorable for all the wrong reasons.
16. Always Dodge Team Activities
Team building exercises, group lunches, or after-work drinks? Nah. Keep your colleagues wondering if you’re part phantom, gracefully (or not so gracefully) ghosting every opportunity to bond.
17. Ask Questions, Then Zone Out
Nothing says ‘I value your time’ like asking your boss a question and then immediately zoning out. Whether you’re daydreaming about a parallel universe or mentally planning dinner, make sure you nod occasionally. It’s all about the illusion of attentiveness.
18. Shun Professional Attire
Who needs well-fitted trousers or neat blouses? Go bold! Rock up to work in neon Bermuda shorts or perhaps that ‘funny’ holiday jumper you got seven Christmases ago.
19. Delegate Upward
Instead of handling tasks that come your way, try to push them up the ladder. Need to make a decision? Ask your boss. Need to refill the copier? Definitely a job for upper management.
20. Master the Art of the ‘Reply All’
Got a rather unimportant email? Ensure you hit ‘reply all’ and loop in everyone, including Janet from HR who has absolutely nothing to do with the topic. It’s the digital equivalent of shouting in a library.
So there you have it – a few choice things you can do if you want to screw your career up completely and not progress in any meaningful way at all. Of course, you could just do the exact opposite of all the ideas above and SUCCEED on your chosen career path, and really, that would be the smartest thing to do, right?